MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA. RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

Madam :

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Patiala Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab.  I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

 I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.   I am not having any bad habits.   I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything.   Daily I am pumping and pumping.    If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you.   I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday..   That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me,   I will press you and press you until you come.  So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon
Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Patiala, Punjab